Reading Time: ~7 Min
This weekend, my Instagram feed started flooding with videos of Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh. As they canoodled on a fancy couch with an all-too-familiar voice in the background, I surmised that a new season of Koffee with Karan was starting. I had only seen the TV show before through the lens of viral videos, so I was thrilled to hear that this season is streaming on Hulu. Needless to say, I have a lot of catching up to do.
I expected glitz and glamor, and to finally understand what the deal is with Karan’s hamper. Well, I’m happy to report that I now understand what the hamper gift basket is. However, I can’t say that the episode was all glitz and glam (though the wedding video was). I left the episode instead feeling blinded by the harsh reality of human nature that they exposed. It is these reflections of human nature that inspire my first post (a premiere of sorts as well). What left me reeling after this episode was Karan and Ranveer’s discussion, albeit brief, on conformity.
To recap, Karan first recounts his experimental era with fashion in the early 2000s. Ranveer then denies that he adjusted his fashion choices in the name of social image. He then goes on to talk about how Deepika and Sanjay Leela Bhansali each had important commentary on his appearance that he resonated with. It was those pieces of advice that led him to change of his own accord.
To summarize, they told Ranveer that he was hiding himself behind his colorful clothes. I will touch on this later, but for now I have to say, of course Sanjay Leela Bhansali loved an all-black look for Ranveer. I haven’t seen anything more monochrome than “Deewani Mastani”.
Karan cringing at his old sartorial choices is fair. To me, Ranveer whining about not wanting fashion to be part of his one-liner isn’t. I wouldn’t care if “plant mom” made it into my one-liner, even though I haven’t touched my plants since COVID. If I don’t want recognition for being a plant enthusiast, I’m not going to kill all my plants. However, Karan and Ranveer choose to disarm their fashion identity by backtracking on their choices. There’s a difference between being a plant mom and being a fashion icon in the eyes of the public, and that’s why Karan and Ranveer talk about toning it down.
It’s important to note, they weren’t only being laughed at and trolled. Ranveer and Karan were applauded for their fashion choices, especially Ranveer for being playful with gender expression. I also believe that most people use fashion as a form of self expression; I don’t think they are doing it to be ironic. I don’t think it’s the case that Ranveer has dressed the way he has to make a statement about society; I rather think that it’s a statement just about himself. So, if there’s praise and it’s a form of self expression, why is there a big problem if people identify him from his fashion choices alongside his work?
In grade school, I took “fashion as self expression” to an extreme and made some “interesting” choices as a result. Some of my greatest hits include a pixie haircut, cat ears occasionally in high school, and matching tie-dye thermals. I am very lucky that I grew up in a tolerant household. That’s why I’m frustrated that more privileged people with a huge platform are reinforcing the rule instead of trying to break it. Ranveer and Karan admit that they were in some estranged mindset when they made those choices, and they don’t want to be identified by them.
By saying that, the two give power to the trolls and those who said they were “hiding themselves”, reinforcing that they were in fact making “crazy” choices. People like myself should look back at my own previous choices and think “what the hell was I thinking?” For the most part I do, but the problem is that at the time I thought it was fine, and I make choices today that I think are probably fine. When we give power to the trolls for judging our past selves, our present selves are subject to judgment just as well.
I take issue with Deepika and Sanjay Leela Bhansali indicating that Ranveer was hiding himself because I’ve heard the same of myself. I feel like it perpetuates the ugly duckling trope, like once Ranveer escapes his loud clothes, he will be celebrated as the inner swan that he is. I’ve never seriously considered that I was ever hiding myself through fashion. I’m tired of the world pressuring me to conform because it thinks I’m an ugly duckling waiting to transform. For Ranveer to say that he acted of his own accord at the end of the day (and coincidentally toned it down/transformed) it feels like they’re saying, “yeah in the end conforming was the right thing to do”.
I gasped when Ranveer said: it’s a problem if he wears clothes, then it’s a problem if he doesn’t (for his Paper Magazine cover), what do they want him to do. It triggered me because I said the exact same thing to my family a few weeks ago. In frustration after being advised on how I could have dressed more conventionally, I said “I got the contacts, I grew out my hair, what more do you want now?”
Maybe it’s my Bollywood dialogue upbringing, but Ranveer and I were on the same page. Then, I remembered that they said the exact same thing on The Princess Diaries, too. Mia underwent the ugly duckling transformation. She straightened her hair and ditched the glasses, and her friends still made her cry for it. Ranveer toned down the outfits and grew out the facial hair, and fans today are now picking apart his mustache. If people like Ranveer Singh and characters like Princess Mia are living this experience, then it has to be more universal than I once thought.
When I hear this sort of commentary happening to others at a larger scale, it becomes curious to me. Because now it’s not just the fault of the individual commenters. Deepika and especially my family are amazing people, albeit flawed and human when it comes to supporting the relative fashion icons in their lives. Instead, it is the fault of a larger machine. This is frustrating, because now we have an unsolvable, sad issue.
Karan and Ranveer’s conversation hints that Indian fashion is a lot stricter than American fashion. This makes sense to me; “log kya kehenge” comes to mind, along with other traditionalist isms of Indian culture. Maybe Indians can’t dress the way Ranveer can without being laughed at, but Americans can. I thought about celebrities like Lady Gaga and Billy Porter, who are known for pushing fashion boundaries. But if Indians can’t dress the way Ranveer does, then what does that mean for the Indian side of me?
It feels like Ranveer is leaving his experimental era behind, and I mourn that. Of course, we want him to be happy and point towards the direction of his happiest self. However, it’s unfortunate that that direction leads towards the norm. I hope that Ranveer’s new version of convention is still an inspiration to experimenters in fashion like myself. The fact is that we cannot force the trolls to stop, and we cannot force experimenters like Ranveer to push through either. So, we’re just stuck.
It’s especially sad for me because I did conform to an extent. I changed, and I even feel more confident as a result of some of the changes I made. It would be a separate, equally-long article to discuss whether the changes I made actually affected my social outcomes. This is not to say that conforming makes me feel more normal. I think I am conforming on my own timeline and in my own way, but I still don’t feel normal or that I dress conventionally now.
For one, I follow fashion influencers, but at the end of the day, I wear what I want to wear. That’s usually whatever aligns with my comfort, budget, longevity, and other personal preferences. Second, I don’t think fashion rules should exist, and I try not to live by any. I have a lot of discipline in my life, and I live by that. But, I don’t think that regulating the way that I present/express myself (within reason) would provide any personal value to me.
Yes, I have the long flowy hair now, but I try not to heat style it. Yes, I have the long winter coat now, but it’s bright red unlike the classic black one on Pinterest. Are those choices conventional or still weird? I don’t even know how to align my choices anymore because I can still imagine every potential critique. Recently, I’ve been experimenting again with wearing a bindi, like I used to briefly in fifth grade. This is unconventional for me considering that no one in my family wears one, nor do any of the Indian folks at my work. It’s a very “normal” thing for an Indian girl to wear, but not in my context.
I wonder if Ranveer and Karan feel “normal” now, or if they feel the same way as I do, like I’m still balancing the tightrope. I don’t think it’s the case that the more you conform, the more normal you feel. I think only the inverse is true: “the further you act from the norm, the more out of place you feel.” Whose fault is it for us feeling abnormal? Is it our self for wearing something so out-of-place, or is it the commenter for creating a context around the outfit? Did Ranveer deserve to be taunted for his fashion choices because he made them?
The media seems to be focusing on the PR glitch with Ranveer’s story of meeting Deepika, or each minute detail of the couple’s chemistry. I wish instead that we could have broken down this topic of conformity more. Maybe there’s something I’m missing; I know Ranveer said at the end of the day he does what he wants, but something about all this is still unsettling to me. I predict that this season’s going to borrow themes from Rocky aur Rani ki Prem Kahaani: serious topics amidst lighthearted fun. Yes, we should enjoy the drama and chaos, but I hope we can discuss more about what is being said between.
